Friday, October 29, 2010

Asperger's and Problems Dating

A person with Asperger's tends to not be able to read both sarcasm and sadness well. We will usually end up having to look at the face of a person longer than a usual person would, to read their emotion. I can tell you this much, "Aspies" and their reading ability is suspect at best. We were not created with the ability to understand feelings or emotion that well, it is one of our flaws and will always be one of our flaws. Whenever we will crack a joke or try to make someone laugh, we assume we were funny enough to get a rise out of someone but in actuality, we were not that funny and so they do not laugh and we are left wondering what happened.

When it comes to dating however, not only is it tough to gauge emotion from a female but it is difficult to tell if they like you or not. In my personal experiences, I have always pretty much blown it with women. I always either say something dumb or I overreact to them not talking to me for a few days. I assume by their daily absence, that they do not like me so I end up calling them out on it. I do that with other people too, if someone disagrees with me, I'll get frustrated and lash out and just go crazy for like a whole ten minutes. But on the other side of the coin, I love a healthy debate, so I just cannot figure myself out sometimes. Women can't figure me out and I am sure most other "Aspies" feel the same way. That is why based upon statistics alone, those on the autism spectrum do not do well in relationships and why most of them do not get married. So I can take that as two things, either I will never get married, or I will be one of those rare few who gets to actually make the plunge and live the social life I have always wanted.

Dating is kind of a science, chemistry and biology mixed together with both atoms working as a whole to create something amazing and rich in DNA. Most of the time people are successful at it and other times people are not. It all depends on what you bring to the table and how you set that table. With people on the autism spectrum, social relationships are the hardest things to grasp, all we want is to feel loved and appreciated and feel a sense of normalcy. We will always have that void to fill based upon our limitations and weaknesses with the social game. All it takes is one person to look through your limitations and accept them and then you're on your way to something amazing and what you've always wanted. The lack of recognition of social cues, the overreactions to something minor, that is just how our brains are wired and what we "Aspies" go through. Dating or no dating, either way it is a pretty unique way to go about life. Hopefully one day more and more neurotypicals (regular people in society) recognize that we too are people and that we have something to offer as well. And when we tell you upfront about our disorder and our social limitations you won't hold it against us in an argument and just go with it. That will be the day that we will feel equal and appreciated. Come on women, come on men, everyone likes a unique individual. I know I do, and I'm one of the unique ones.

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